If I cast my mind back to being pregnant I had such a distorted view of being a parent. It was all so theoretical and not very practical. I had no clue.
Now, where am I going with this…
When people say ‘they grow up so fast’ they genuinely mean it. In some ways it feels like Emily has been here forever, my life is her. But also it has all gone far too quick.
She is 22 weeks old, sitting by herself, standing with help, rolling over, eating ‘real’ food.
Just 15 weeks ago she was keeping us up until 2am, screaming blue murder because of colic…now she burbs herself.
When I gave birth, I had an overwhelming sense of loss. A loss of control, protection, love for an unknown baby. I had to learn to protect and love her in the outside world.
She slept next to my bed in her moses basket.
That was until last week. Last week she transitioned into her cot. I felt rejected that she settled without me being in the room, that she was brave enough to sleep in a room all by herself.
It’s so sad that along with the first smiles, rolls, steps also come the lasts. I feel each week I gain and lose.
When she is a teenager with an attitude problem I’ll probably look back and wonder why I was being so silly. But as a Mum you carry your child for 9 months, sacrifice so much and then gradually they become so independent it feels like they don’t need you.
I just take comfort in the fact that I will always need my Mum no matter how old I get.
As much as I hate that she is growing far too quickly, I am blessed to have a happy, healthy little lady who is head-strong and determined to run before she can walk.
I would like a manual on how to do this parenting malarky because it is bloody hard work. And I know I have so many more challenges to face.